Florida: land of sunshine, beaches, retirees, and… reptiles the size of your sofa. For many Floridians, spotting an alligator in a pond, golf course, or even the neighborhood swimming pool is just another Tuesday. But here’s the problem: too many people see these prehistoric creatures and think, “I can handle that swamp puppy.”
Let’s be clear: unless you’ve got a khaki outfit, decades of training, and the spirit of Steve Irwin guiding your every move—you are not equipped to wrangle an alligator. Here’s your guide to coexisting with Florida’s wild side, minus the emergency room visit.
Rule #1: Alligators Are Not Pets
It may sound obvious, but every year, someone tries to treat a gator like a giant scaly dog. Spoiler: they don’t fetch, they don’t roll over, and they absolutely don’t appreciate belly rubs. An alligator’s “playful nip” can remove a hand. Respect their wildness—watch, don’t touch.
Rule #2: Size Doesn’t Matter
That little three-foot juvenile sunning itself by the canal? Cute, right? Wrong. Small gators grow into big gators, and even “baby” ones can deliver a nasty bite. Plus, where there’s a little one, a big protective mama might not be far away. If you see one—no matter the size—keep your distance.
Rule #3: Don’t Be a Hero
If there’s a gator in your pool, garage, or (yes, it happens) living room, resist the urge to go full “Florida Man” and wrestle it out. Call the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) or local animal control. They have trained trappers who know how to safely relocate alligators. You? You have flip-flops and poor impulse control.
Rule #4: Feeding Gators Is a Terrible Idea
Tossing marshmallows or chicken wings to an alligator might sound like fun, but it teaches them to associate humans with food. That’s when they stop being shy swamp creatures and start being backyard visitors who won’t leave. Feeding gators is also illegal in Florida, so you could end up with fines on top of the danger.
Rule #5: Respect Their Role
Alligators aren’t villains—they’re part of Florida’s natural ecosystem. They control prey populations, help shape wetlands, and generally keep the swamp in balance. The safest and smartest thing you can do is appreciate them from afar.
A Quick Florida Survival Checklist
- ✅ Observe from a safe distance.
- ✅ Call professionals if a gator is somewhere it shouldn’t be.
- ❌ Don’t feed it.
- ❌ Don’t touch it.
- ❌ Don’t go viral for being “that guy” who wrestled one in a 7-Eleven parking lot.
Final Word
Steve Irwin made it look easy because he was a trained expert with years of experience. You are not Steve Irwin—you’re just trying to get to Publix without losing a limb. So do yourself a favor: admire Florida’s gators, respect their space, and leave the wrestling to the professionals.