If It’s Got Pineapple, It’s Not Pizza!
Right, listen up. We need to talk about something serious — something that’s been festering in the dark corners of the culinary world for far too long. I’m talking about pineapple on pizza.
Who started this madness? Who looked at a beautiful, handcrafted pizza — the golden crust, the bubbling cheese, the rich tomato sauce — and thought, “You know what this needs? Fruit from a tropical island.” Are you kidding me? That’s not creativity. That’s culinary vandalism!
The Sacred Art of Pizza
Let’s remember where pizza comes from, shall we? Naples, Italy. The birthplace of the Margherita — a simple, perfect masterpiece: dough, tomato, mozzarella, basil, olive oil. Every ingredient balanced, every flavor earned its place. It’s harmony on a plate.
Now imagine ruining that harmony with chunks of syrupy pineapple. Sweet, acidic, wet — it doesn’t belong anywhere near a pizza oven. You’re basically soaking the crust in fruit juice and pretending it’s gourmet. You wouldn’t pour orange juice on your pasta, would you? No. Because you’re civilized.
Pineapple is the Profanity of Pizza
I’ve seen some kitchen nightmares in my time — raw chicken, burnt risotto, people mistaking salt for sugar — but the moment I see pineapple on pizza, I know we’ve crossed the line. It’s culinary profanity. It’s like spray-painting the Mona Lisa or putting ketchup on a filet mignon.
When I bite into a slice, I want that savory umami explosion: the tomato tang, the melted cheese stretch, maybe a bit of cured meat for richness. But when there’s pineapple? Suddenly I’m at a tiki bar drinking a piña colada — not sitting at an Italian table. It’s chaos! It’s confusion! It’s completely wrong!
Respect the Craft
Pizza deserves respect. It’s not just fast food — it’s an art form. Dough takes patience, fermentation, and skill. Sauce takes balance. Cheese takes quality. You build layers of flavor with intention. Pineapple tosses all that out the window like a soggy afterthought.
I know what some of you are thinking — “But Chef, I like Hawaiian pizza!”
Well, good for you. But let’s be honest: that’s not pizza. That’s a crime scene on a crust. If you want something sweet, have dessert. Get a fruit salad, a sorbet, a bloody smoothie — anything but defiling a pizza with pineapple!
The Verdict
If it’s got pineapple, throw it in the bin. Don’t serve it. Don’t share it. Don’t even call it pizza. Pizza is sacred — it’s passion, history, flavor, and craftsmanship baked together in one glorious creation.
You want to experiment? Fine. Use fresh herbs, imported cheeses, roasted vegetables — even truffle if you must. But for the love of all that is holy in the kitchen — keep the fruit away from the pizza.
Because if it’s got pineapple, my friend… it’s not pizza. It’s an insult.