It’s 10:40. He stands up.
“Alright, I gotta get going.”
He will be here for one hour and twenty more minutes.
The Standing Phase
He’s on his feet. He has his keys in his hand. This is a man in motion.
He is not in motion. He’s standing behind his chair, one hand on the back of it, fully engaged in a conversation about somebody’s roof.
Everyone else has now adjusted. Some people stood up too, out of solidarity. Some are collecting cups. The party has begun winding down in response to a departure that isn’t happening.
The Doorway Segment
Twenty minutes later he’s made it to the doorway.
This is a good spot. This is a productive spot. From here he can talk to people in two rooms.
He leans on the frame. He’s very comfortable. He tells a story with a long setup.
Someone gets him another drink. He takes it. He says “just half.”
The Coat Ritual
He has his jacket. He’s holding it. He’s not putting it on.
At one point he puts one arm in, then gestures with the other arm to make a point, and the jacket hangs off one shoulder for eleven minutes like a cape.
The jacket is a prop now. The jacket is a promise he’s making to the room and to himself.
The Second Announcement
“Okay, for real this time.”
Everyone says “alright man, good seeing you.” Genuine goodbyes are exchanged. Someone hugs him.
He does not leave. Someone mentions a name and he sits back down on the arm of the couch to weigh in.
The hug has already been spent. There’s no hug left. When he finally leaves it will be awkward because everyone already did the goodbye and nobody can do it twice.
The Driveway Overtime
He’s outside now. Genuinely outside. Car keys out. Door open.
The conversation continues through the open car door for another fourteen minutes.
Whoever walked him out is now trapped in the cold, nodding, in socks.
The Idle
Engine running. Window down.
“Hey — one more thing—”
Another eight minutes. The car is on. Gas is being burned. The heater is running. He’s telling a story about his brother-in-law.
The Actual Departure
11:58. He pulls away. He honks once.
Everyone inside says “man, he’s a great guy,” which is completely true and is the whole reason nobody ever rushes him.
The Truth
Every group has one. If you’re reading this and you can’t think of who it is in your group —
it’s you.
You’re the guy. The jacket’s on one shoulder right now.